There is nothing worse than not knowing. Uncertainty can niggle away at your brain, and the not knowing is often blown out of proportion…BELIEVE ME- I AM THE QUEEN OF “WHAT IF’S” !
Living with a mental illness is all about the unknown. Sometimes the unknown is essential in recovery, sometimes it’s disastrous…but it’s almost always terrifying…
Life becomes a whirlwind of unpredictability; if today’s a good day, will it last? Will I always feel like this? You never know what the next day will bring and I’ve got to admit even the smallest changes can bring me to tears… A change in the unit menu, a sudden mood-swing or even a cancelled visitor!
Why? It all comes down to one word- CONTROL! Sometimes when the world around seems to be spiralling into uncertainty we can count on the inevitable and mundain reliabilities.
But you live and you learn, you learn where control is necessary and where control is detrimental:
Example 1: When taming a tiger it is 100% necessary to be the one in control.
Example 2: When the trainee at the restaurant puts oil on your pasta when you SPECIFICALLY ASKED for it plain- control is completely detrimental. PASTA IS ALWAYS BETTER OILY – LIVE LIFE ON THE WILD SIDE!
Control is an issue with many mental illnesses. For me I have to have a certain amount of positive control in order not to fall to pieces and be able to let go of control when it becomes anorexia controlling the situation.
There is a quote that says:
“Having an addiction is like having a tiger and having to lock it away forever.
Having an eating disorder is like having to take the tiger out for a walk at least three times a day.”
When the tiger in your head is roaring, remember YOU are in control.
When the tigers roars get too loud, remember giving others control in order to help you is not weak, it is showing strength in the most courageous of ways.
Keep on keeping boys and girls🌱